Waiting and shaping

"All things come to him who waits - provided he knows what he is waiting for." Woodrow Wilson

I wrote a poem about five months ago and I just stumbled across it. It's dark and dreary. Depressing, but with a thin sliver of hope shining at its conclusion.
It's where I was half a year ago. Desperately clinging to God but not knowing when I would feel conviction in my faith again.
It was a dark and dreary time for me. Depressing, but with a thin sliver of hope.
I was happy. I loved my family and life, but spiritually I was plodding through, just trying to make it.
I accepted Christ into my heart at the tender, innocent age of four. I believed, wholeheartedly. I never doubted. Not once, not for years. When those doubts surfaced in my twenties they came at me like hungry beasts, wanting nothing more than to destroy my faith, destroy me.
I'm pretty tenacious, though. When I make my mind up to do something, I do. I made up my mind to cling to what was left of my tattered faith and determined to see that spiritually dry, dusty place to its end. I knew it would end. I hoped it would be soon.
I also knew when God saw me to the end of it my faith would be stronger. My passion for Christ more centered and mature.
These last few months have been a fabulous time of growth and clarity. I understand most of the why's and I accept God had a plan for all I went through. I'm glad for it. I'm glad for that desert. I learned more about myself and Him during that time (of course, everything I learned I can now only see in hindsight. I certainly wasn't experiencing it during the time) than the preceding twenty years of  immature Christianity I had previously known.
Before I entered that place I had asked God to increase my faith. It took me a while to ask Him that because I had always heard stories of people asking for an increase in faith and finding themselves facing various trials and tribulations. I didn't want trials and tribulations. I didn't want pain so I never asked Him to increase my faith. I thought I was safe but trial and tribulation came my way, regardless. I figured, about eight years ago, that I could face trials and tribulations without an increase of faith or with. I decided to go with an increase and braced myself for what I assumed was an inevitable coming of hardship.
Instead, He covered his face and I felt as though my faith was lost.
Now, though, I see.
I see where I had been and where He wanted me to be.
I see that the faith I thought was strong and built on a foundation of stone was only the wandering roots of a child's declaration.
I see a faith that had not really been tested, tried or shaped.
It was a child's faith and I wasn't a child any longer.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
God alone knows the plans He has for each one of us. We can make our own plans, even prayerfully, but the truth is that none of us can read the future. Only He is there. Only He is weaving our beautiful picture of life and He knows what we need, when we need it, so that we can see that picture finished.
He knows the plans He has for my life and, because I love Him and am faithful, He knows what needs to happen in my life so that I can finish that race marked out for me. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
Again I turn to Jeremiah.
In chapter 18 God tells Jeremiah to go to the potter's house and there God will give Him a message. Jeremiah goes and, although scripturally these verses were directed at Israel, I believe they are appropriate for all Christians.
Jeremiah obeys God and goes to the potter's house where he sees the potter shaping the pots and vessels. The potter was working on one particular piece but Jeremiah saw that it was marred. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't suiting the needs of the potter. Maybe it had a hole in it and would leak or maybe the surface wasn't smooth enough and was ugly. Maybe the handle was twisted or weak or maybe it just wasn't turning out right. Whatever the reason, the potter decides to start over and use the clay to form it into another pot "shaping it as seemed best to him." (Jer. 18:4)
That's us. Sometimes God looks at us and thinks, "Not yet. She isn't ready."
He takes our life in His hands, and because we have given ourselves over to Him, He is able to mold us. Twisting, pulling, patting, pressing...we feel it. Every bit of it but in the end we become a vessel exactly formed into what He wants. Because we were shaped we are functional, beautiful and useful. Because we were fired we are strong under pressure and we don't crack. Because we were glazed we reflect Him.
My shaping may not look like yours. Every person, their personality, calling and situation, is unique. God crafts each of us into a different vessel to be used for different purposes but, if you want an increase in faith, you will be shaped.
If you aren't your faith will remain limp, insipid and immature.
I normally don't share my poetry. It's too personal and raw, but I'm posting this poem I wrote five months ago because it so aptly demonstrates where I was.

Crows, out of nowhere.

Dirty, greasy, bug bitten

Where from?

To peck, with pointed beaks

Ever hungry for that which I

can hardly afford to sacrifice

A piece, a peck, a small scrap

Screeching banshee

here to steal my life

that which sustains my soul…

my breath.

What hinders these dark creatures?

The figure standing still?

Not stuffed is he.

Not a straw man, dumb and mute.

But living sacrifice, love manifest

To scare away the crows that steal…

Destroy.

He is here. To chase the nightmares away.

I'm not there anymore. 

Thankfully that figure has always been with me. Even when I couldn't see Him, He was there covering me with His grace and shielding me from darkness. 

"Do you not know?
   Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
   the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
   and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
   and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint."

                                 Isaiah 40:28-31

Salt and light

I know what I’m about to say will ruffle feathers.

Just hear me out, though. Ready? Okay, here it is…

As Christians we are not supposed to look like the world.
Phew. I did it. I stated a fundamental fact that so many Christians seem to overlook.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I can’t tell you how many times I have been surprised by people stating Christian faith when their choices are very worldly. I had no idea they were set apart because they blended in so well.

Before you write me off as just another “judgmental Christian” let me remind you that as a believer I am bound by the precepts set forth in the Bible. I am allowed to judge what behavior is sinful because God first did. I’m not arbitrarily making up rules. The rules have already been spoken.

In 1 Corinthians Paul addresses a situation where a man was sleeping with his father’s wife (I’m assuming his step-mother, not his birth mother). Paul says to set this man outside the body of believers. He goes on to say not even to eat with those that claim to be a sister or brother in the Lord and yet continues to pursue sexual immorality, drunkenness, greed, idolatry, slander, or swindling. (1 Corinthian 5:9-11). Keep in mind, though, that in the next two verses he goes on to say that this judgment is only for those that claim to be Christian. He says God will judge the wicked outside the church.

“¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

When I asked my pastor about this scripture passage he said he believes Paul is talking about those that claim Christ yet point blank refuses to address the sin in his life.  He is in complete rebellion to God.

The difference between sinning, which we are all guilty of doing on a near daily basis, and living in sin is one of repentance and acceptance.  I have a terrible time with my tongue. I’ve recognized this since I was a teenager. I’ve been praying and repenting for YEARS. Each day is a new opportunity for me to walk in righteousness- most days I fail yet I still repent. I know I have this problem. I know it is a sin issue. I know Satan knows my weakness and every opportunity he gets he offers me a chance to indulge in this particular weakness. Here is the thing though, I HATE it! I absolutely hate this sin. Every time I sarcastically respond to someone, disparage my husband because of frustration or put someone down in an attempt to deflect attention I am convicted. The Holy Spirit within me recoils when I sin and I feel it. Deep down in my spirit, I feel the spirit of God rejecting the thing I struggle with. Since I’ve recognized this sin in my life I have been working to divulge myself of it. I try and pray and ask the Lord for grace and mercy.

This is why I do not understand Christians that openly live in sin and seem to feel no remorse, conviction or desire to set things straight. I hate sin. It is disgusting to me because the Holy Spirit dwells within me. God cannot abide sin. If we are truly His child and have accepted his living presence into our lives how can we?

In Elizabeth Elliot’s book, Discipline The glad surrender, she says, “To be a Christian in New Testament terms is to be a disciple. There are no two ways about it. We have a Saviour who has forgiven and saved us from the penalty of sin. Most of us would happily settle for that. But he died to save us also from our sins, many of which we love and hate to part with.”

He died to save us FROM our sins. We don’t have to walk in sin. Many people in the world think Christians are foolish. 

1 Corinthians 1:8, “For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”  

They think our values are antiquated, lofty and stupid. They wonder why we try to appease an angry, judgmental God but what they don’t realize is that my desire to conform my life more and more into the image of Christ is His stamp on me. I don’t want to sin. I don’t want to look like the world because the world doesn’t look like my Jesus.

There is another problem with people claiming to be Christian and molding themselves to the standards of this world. How in the world is anyone going to know they are a Christian? We are surrounded by hurting people that want something else. They want something different from what they have so far been offered. If you look just like them what is going to attract them to Christ in you?

Your acceptance of their sin? I don’t think so. Watering down the gospel so it is palatable to the strongholds in people’s lives isn’t exactly what Christ died for. He shed His blood on the cross so that we can have POWER over the darkness- not embrace it.

They need to know they can be free! Despite the fact that each and every one of us is stained from birth, despite the fact that we will never be enough we can, by accepting the message of the gospel, find freedom from eternal death and sin.

We need to be different because they need us to be different.

Again I want you to read Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

What is good, acceptable and perfect? Getting drunk with some friends at a bar? Gossiping about the youth leader? Dressing immodestly and trying to draw attention to body parts only a spouse should see? Using foul language as a matter of course?

I’ve seen this new-age type feel good message being regurgitated throughout the body. The power of the gospel is being castrated and we are being offered a weak, insipid Jesus. Everyone is afraid of offending someone and so they say nothing that can possibly offend. The problem, though, is that in the process of trying not to hurt someone’s feelings you also cut out the life-changing aspect of the message.

Don’t forget- our lives need to be changed. When we were sinners, wallowing in the muck of the world, hopeless and dying we saw the truth of the gospel and realized we needed a change. We needed Jesus, the one that can change us.

I’m not saying we should picket the funerals of military men and blame terrorist attacks on lifestyles the USA seems to endorse.  That does little good and only serves to ignite the anger of those living in the world.
What we can do and should be doing is living a life set apart.

Matthew 5:15 “Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.”

Matthew 5:13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”

Let’s be salt and light. Set apart. Different. Living in this world but not a part of it. We know what eternity has in store and if we want to snatch people from the clutches of darkness we need to give them the opportunity to notice we have the answer.

Who will they turn to if they think you are just like them?